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Book: Ephesians
 Print ( PC Only )
Ephesians 5:25
I. Husbands love your wives.
A. This follows the injunction for the wives to submit to their
own husbands.
B. These two commands are inseparably tied to each other.
1. We find them repeated in the letter to the Colossians.
COL 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit
in the Lord.
COL 3:19 Husbands, love [your] wives, and be not bitter against them.
2. Obedience to these two commands will bring a marriage
together, and to disobey them is to tear a marriage
apart.
C. God said this knowing that one of the greatest needs of a
woman being the weaker vessel is that feeling of security that
is found in knowing that she is loved.
1. We talked about the need of the man, to be in control
and feel that he is capable.
2. So the woman needs to feel that she is secure because
she is loved supremely by her husband.
3. The story of Arno Peterson.
4. Your wife struggles trying to get the lid off a jar,
then she hands the jar to you and remarks how strong
you are as you twist off the top. You love it, be
honest.
D. When the marriage begins to fall apart you can usually trace
it's disintegration back to disobedience to these commands.
1. The question usually is which came first, the chicken
or the egg.
2. This is the way it works when going backward.
a. In this hypothetical case let us say that the
husband is not giving to his wife the assurance
that she needs of being loved supremely. He has
been so busy with his concerns over his job,
and providing for the family that he has
neglected showing his love and concern for her.
b. He becomes preoccupied and fails to communicate
his feelings adequately. It is hard to admit
that you are worried or concerned about your
job. You want her to think that you are in
control, and able to handle anything that may
come along.
c. She interprets that lack of communication and
worry that you cannot share with her, as a sign
that your love for her is waning. She begins
to suspicion that maybe someone else has come
into your life.
d. She then begins to ask probing questions which
irritate you because she does not believe your
answers. If you are late getting home from work
she wants to know if you were alone in the
office or was there someone else there with
you.
e. You are now being challenged and you must arise
to the challenge by showing that you are in
control and you are very capable of handling
things yourself. This is often manifested in an
aloofness, which only confirms her suspicions
that you do not love her anymore. This brings
greater insecurity to her which causes you to
become even colder and more aloof, and on and
on until every decision that you make is
challenged. This is interpreted by you as a
lack of confidence in your manhood which you
counteract with greater coldness. Marriage has
now become a duel and swords are drawn at
every issue.
f. If you try to be nice and say let's go out for
dinner, she thinks that you probably have a
waitress on the string that you want to see.
3. This is how it works when it is going forward.
a. First of all let me say that it is impossible
to affirm your love for her too much.
b. God said to Eve, "Your desire shall be to your
husband." She desires desperately the love and
approval of her husband. When she is all
dressed up and asks, Honey do I look alright?"
She is not looking for a "Ya, fine." answer.
She wants you to say, "You look smashing
sweetheart, I'm so lucky to be married to such
a gorgeous doll."
c. When she is completely secure in your love,
she will cease challenging your decisions.
d. The more she submits to your leadership, the
easier it is for you to demonstrate your love
for her, the more you demonstrate that love,
the easier it is for her to submit to your
decisions.
e. When you share with her some idea you have and
she responds, "Well honey, I don't know if it
is good or not, but I trust you, and you are
so smart, you do what you think is best. You
spontaneously throw your arm around her and
say, "I am so blessed to be married to the most
beautiful and gracious girl in the world, I
love you angel." And she melts like ice cream
on the 4th of July.
f. Marriage is no longer a duel, but a duet,
living in harmony with each other.
4. So often we have a standoff, she is saying if he will
show me love, I will submit, and he is saying if she
would just submit I could show her love.
B. Look how husbands are to love their wives. "Even as Christ
loved the church and gave Himself for it."
1. John tells us, " d His own, He loved them to
the end."
2. Jesus said, "Greater love has no man than this, that a
man will lay down his life for his friends."
3. Jesus said, "As the Father has loved Me, so have I
loved you."
4. The love of Christ for us was a self-sacrificing love.
5. The love of Christ for us was a complete love, he held
nothing back.
6. The love of Christ for us was a .
7. The love of Christ for us is an unending love.
C. We are to love our wives as we love our own bodies.
1. No man hates his own flesh but nourishes it and
cherishes it.
2. You make sure that your body is taken care of. You eat
regularly, you try to keep in a modicum of shape.
3. This is sort of the love your neighbor as yourself.
4. The Bible assumes that you love your own body, that you
love yourself.
C. Jesus is brought into both of these commands.
1. The wife is to submit herself to her husband as unto
the Lord.
2. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the
church.
3. It is not a submission to brute force because the
husband is the stronger of the two.
4. It is a submission to love. If there is the assurance
of love then the submission is natural and easy.
D. Paul concludes this section on husbands and wives by saying,
"So then let every one of you love his wife as he loves
himself, and let the wife see that she reverence her husband."
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